Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
All I want is dick and wine.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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