I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
