He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize