you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
