I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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