so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
