I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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