I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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