worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
