he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
