I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
