hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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