There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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