I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just want nice things and good sex
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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