I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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