Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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