So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I believe in your delicious
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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