you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
