You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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