it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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