I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
