i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
