Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
