I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
