Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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