i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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