I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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