I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
