yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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