Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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