so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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