I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
