a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
