Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
