farters have to be the big spoon...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
