Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
