im so drunk with asians
where?
always
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
