I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
