I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
