She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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