my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
