so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How external is "for external use only"?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
