I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
