We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
