my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
