Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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