I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
they need to just BURY HIM!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Randomize
