"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
