epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize