I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
