Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just want nice things and good sex
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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