so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
