i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
