she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm like, not good at living.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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