Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
