I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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