Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm too high and old for this...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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