I got chris browned last night
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
4 words: hood of his car
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
