TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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