I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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