Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
