he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
