so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize