So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
