i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
