Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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