I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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