If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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