We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
