anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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