real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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