how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize