thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
