i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
